as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
