We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
