do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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