my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
