worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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