every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
