the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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