I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
