you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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