You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
