some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
