im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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