While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
