My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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