he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
