8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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