If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
