it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Randomize
