Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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