Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
