Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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