Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just high enough for therapy.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
soo... how was my night?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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