god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
