i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
