is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
