You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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