Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
