Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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