I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
