I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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