Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
