I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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