I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
