I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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