I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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