the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
