He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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