Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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