woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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