I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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