Fuck appropriateness.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
