just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
