ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
