twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
