Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
