A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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