My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Did I show you my penis last night?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
