Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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