Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
