Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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